


change of pace

by Aleskya



Series: Haikyuu: one word prompts [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst?, Character Study, Gen, Iwaizumi and Oikawa are good senpai, Kunimi is fascinating okay, Post Aobajousai vs. Shiratorizawa, oh and Iwaizumi makes a flower crown because why the heck not, this doesn't exactly have a happy ending, this is basically just Kunimi running and having FeelingsTM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 09:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleskya/pseuds/Aleskya
Summary: For a few seconds he wonders if he’ll just… stop. Let this torture be over with. Stop trying so hard when he knows that nothing good comes from it, but he can’t. Not when he’s the most pitiful of them all.





	change of pace

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be an Iwaizumi/Kunimi-thingy for the prompt "flowers" but I messed up, so instead you get volleyball-angst and a character study. Kunimi is probably one of the most fascinating characters in Haikyuu!! to me, so let's hope I didn't mess up his character too badly ^^

If it weren’t bound to be a horribly bothersome thing to do, Kunimi would be plotting Miauchi-sensei’s murder just about now. 

Instead he concentrates on keeping his breathing even and not letting himself fall too far behind for the senpai to think he’s slacking off. Not that anyone should be allowed to blame him if he did. Jogging outside in the Miyagi summer heat? Definitely one of Kunimi’s least favourite ways to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

Still, stamina was one thing – one of too many things – they had been lacking during the final against Shiratorizawa, especially Kunimi who had to sit out the final set because there was no such thing as pacing stamina when the opponent’s strength is as overwhelming as Shiratorizawa’s. 

The thought leaves a bitter aftertaste but it’s enough to make Kunimi accelerate his pace. He has had to stand by and watch his team lose without being able to do anything once, he doesn’t want it to happen again. Going all out during practice is a bother, he hates the sweat and feeling out of breath, he hates it, but everything is better than his senpais’ expressions once they realised that they were going to lose but still kept fighting. He felt pity for them because all of their best efforts weren’t going to be enough.

He passes Shido-san and Sawauchi-san but barely registers it. They had been standing there, too, next to him, unable to do anything at all. Kunimi pities them, too. They’re third years, they’ve put hours upon hours into the club, Kunimi doesn’t think he’s ever seen them slacking off and still, they don’t even get to stand on the court.

“The faster you get there, the faster you’re done, huh, Kunimi?”, he hears Sawauchi-san call after him, laughing, as he leaves them behind. It’s at odds with his tears that threatened to spill over after the final whistle sounded through the gymnasium. Kunimi runs faster.

The path makes a sharp turn to the left and suddenly he can see Watari-san and Yahaba-san in front of him. If he keeps going he will pass them, too. He should probably slow down. Oikawa-senpai is the one setting the pace and deciding for how long they will keep running. They’re not going to stop any time soon, Kunimi remembers Oikawa-senpai’s trembling hand when he was supposed to congratulate Ushiwaka-san. And they all know that Oikawa-senpai did not, in fact, miss the first practice after their loss because of a family incident but for a doctor’s appointment. They’ve all noticed the knee brace he only used to wear during actual games. Kunimi pities him, too. What good does it do him to keep pushing himself further and further if it’s never going to be enough? Kunimi doesn’t slow down.

He can hear Watari-san and Yahaba-san talking a good bit before he catches up with them. It sounds like Watari-san is teasing Yahaba-san for the way he reacted to a confession. Kunimi takes a second to pray for the poor soul misguided enough to confess to Yahaba-san, who is currently reduced to indignant sputtering. Watari-san laughs, which can’t be pleasant while running but he manages somehow, but it’s not quite enough to shatter the picture before Kunimi’s inner eye of Watari-san, still on the ground after he failed to get Ushiwaka-san’s last spike up in the air. 

It startles Yahaba-san when Kunimi catches up with them. He sends Kunimi a suspicious glare. “Were you eavesdropping?” “No, senpai”, it’s not like he cares about Yahaba-san’s love life of all people anyways. Yahaba-san doesn’t seem convinced, but his glare doesn’t have much of an effect on Kunimi. It never had in the first place, but now all Kunimi can think about is how all of the determination Yahaba-san showed upon being subbed in for Kunimi slowly crumbled as the last set went on and the almost inaudible “I’m sorry” he whispered with a haunted look on his face, maybe for Kunimi, maybe for Oikawa-senpai, maybe for no one at all. It was a pathetic sight. It’s not something Kunimi wants to see from Yahaba-san ever again. He runs faster.

His lungs hurt by now and his breathing is far from even, but he doesn’t stop. Maybe he couldn’t, even if he wanted to. If he stops he’s going to be there again, on the side lines, unable to do anything at all. 

He runs and just keeps running, his breathing by now almost loud enough to keep the thoughts at bay and then he can see Kindaichi in front of him, with his ridiculous turnip-hair, running dutifully without even thinking of cutting corners, and Kunimi almost trips over nothing but the thought of Kindaichi with tears streaming down his cheeks and the snot he had to wipe on the sleeve of his team jacket even hours after they’d lost. It was pitiful and Kunimi hated Kindaichi for it, hated him for not being stronger. 

For a few seconds he wonders if he’ll just… stop. Let this torture be over with. Stop trying so hard when he knows that nothing good comes from it, but he can’t. Not when he’s the most pitiful of them all. Needing to sub out halfway through, unable to block any spikes, unable to receive most of them, too, unable to do anything but watch as his team slowly gets crushed. Pitiful. He runs faster. His lungs are burning, and he isn’t sure he’s the one moving his legs anymore, but he just keeps running. He passes Kindaichi, ignores the surprised “Kunimi?!” and just keeps running.

He runs and runs and runs and his thoughts finally shut up and his lungs hurt, and his legs are numb, and his head feels light but it’s better. Everything is better than the memories of that day, so he keeps running until he runs straight into something solid and the spell breaks.

Kunimi stumbles backwards but a hand grabs him by the waist and holds him steadily. “Jeez, are you okay, Kunimi? How did you not hear us calling?”, Iwaizumi-senpai asks, still holding Kunimi.  
Kunimi can’t do anything but blink at him. Now that he’s not running anymore, breathing seems incredibly difficult. 

“Fuck, you’re totally exhausted. Come on, you shouldn’t be standing still right now.”

Rationally, Kunimi knows that, too, but walking seems impossible. It’s a wonder he’s still standing. Fuck, he hates this. He hates feeling this way, he hates the sweat, the sore muscles he’ll doubtlessly feel the next few days, hates his aching lungs. Fuck. 

Still, he lets Iwaizumi-senpai guide him to a small field where the third-year regulars are sitting. 

“You worried us, Kunimi-chan! We had to make Iwa-chan sprint after you, what with how you didn’t seem to hear us calling”, Oikawa-senpai chides him but instead of angry he looks at Kunimi with undisguised curiosity. It makes Kunimi uncomfortable. “Sorry”, he mumbles. 

“Ah, no worries, Iwa-chan makes for a great impact absorber, doesn’t he? You shouldn’t sit down just yet though, just keep walking around for a bit before you sit and drink something, yeah?”, Oikawa-senpai says. Iwaizumi-senpai flicks his head for the comment before sitting down next to him, probably where he sat before he had to run after Kunimi. How embarrassing.  
Instead of dwelling on it, he keeps walking around, away from the worried and curious gazes of his senpai. It’s an unnerving feeling, so he concentrates on Hanamaki-san and Matsukawa-san instead, both of them fully engaged in what seems to be a twig-duel, which is made more complicated by the fact that Hanamaki-san’s head rests on Matsukawa-san’s belly. They’re both worryingly concentrated on their little game but Kunimi can’t quite conciliate it with the grim concentration they wore during the last game. This right here suits them better but still, Kunimi doesn’t get it. He turns around when Hanamaki-san disarms Matsukawa-san and gets tickled in retaliation. He doesn’t get it.

But when he turns around, it’s not much better. Oikawa-senpai seems to be rambling about something or other, his hands flying around in a series of gestures, while Iwaizumi-senpai nods along and… makes a flower crown of all things. It doesn’t make any sense. Not when Kunimi still hear the sound of their last spike being received, not when he can still see how the last glimmer of hope died in both their eyes. Not when Oikawa-senpai’s knee brace is still worryingly present and Iwaizumi-senpai’s lips look like they might start bleeding again any second now because of how much he’s bitten them. Not when he still remembers how wretched they looked when the final whistle sounded through the gym. It doesn’t make any sense.

“Kunimi? Kunimi! Jeez, are you all right?”, Iwaizumi-senpai’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

When he gives him a confused look, Iwaizumi-senpai adds: “Come, sit down and drink something, I think you’ve done enough running for one day.” He pats the grass next to him and Oikawa-senpai holds out a bottle for him. “Is everything okay with Kunimi-chan?”, Oikawa-senpai asks.

“I’m fine, sorry”, Kunimi says as he sits down and takes a long draught from the bottle in order to avoid any further questions. It works well enough, especially when Kindaichi choses that exact moment to reach the field and Oikawa-senpai tells him to keep walking for a little.

Or at least he thought it did but then, without looking up from his flower crown, Iwaizumi-senpai says: “You know, if something’s wrong, you can talk to us. Any of us. We’re your senpai, that’s what we’re here for.” His hands are nimble as they weave the daisies together, in stark contrast to the strength that goes into his every spike. Kunimi doesn’t understand this. Why are they all sitting here, laughing, joking, doing silly things, as if nothing ever happened? These are the guys that worked harder than anyone else, these are the guys that put more into the Aoba Johsai Volleyball Club than anyone else, these are the guys that looked the most pitiful once it was all… over. How do they keep going, how can they push back those memories so easily? How…?

“I don’t understand”, he bursts out, louder than he would have wanted to. Loud enough for Hanamaki-san and Matsukawa-san to stop their tickle fight and Kindaichi to turn around in surprise. But Iwaizumi-senpai just shakes his head once and everyone goes back to minding their own business. Oikawa-senpai exchanges a look with Iwaizumi-senpai and after receiving a curt nod he gets up and goes over to Kindaichi to make him do cool-down stretches which Kunimi will sorely regret not doing come tomorrow.

“What did you mean, exactly?”, Iwaizumi-senpai asks, only looking up from the flower crown for a moment.

“It’s not important”, Kunimi mumbles. This is embarrassing. He shouldn’t have said anything.

Iwaizumi-senpai levels him a look. “You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to, but don’t lie to me. We both know that something’s not all right. Ah, damn”, the last bit is directed mostly at the flower crown, where the last daisy just ripped.

“How are you just sitting here, making a flower crown of all things?”, Kunimi doesn’t know why he’s angry but suddenly, he is.

Iwaizumi-senpai raises an eyebrow. “Listening to Oikawa talk about astrophysics without any distraction is dangerous. You’ll end up believing in aliens. Just ask Matsukawa.”

Kunimi doesn’t know if it’s supposed to be a joke or not. “That’s not what I meant!”, he protests anyways. Iwaizumi-senpai doesn’t say anything, so he keeps going: “How can you all just sit here, messing around. How are you laughing and joking and, and, and… how? How can you stop thinking about it?” The last part is nothing more than a whisper.

Iwaizumi-senpai sighs. “We lost.” It’s the first time he’s heard any of his team mates say it out loud. It sounds final. “We weren’t good enough and we lost. It’s a shitty situation but we can’t change that now.”

“… and that’s it? Accept what happened and move on? Just like that?” That can’t be it. Not with these guys. Not with this team.

“You’re frustrated”, Iwaizumi-senpai notes. “That’s good, I guess. You don’t want to lose again, huh?”

“It was pitiful”, Kunimi says gloomily.

Iwaizumi-senpai huffs. “I guess, in the end it was, huh? Fucking Shiratorizawa. Next time I want to wipe the smug smiles off their fucking faces. And that’s how you do it. The frustration is good, it keeps you going. But you can’t dwell on the self-pity, believe me, I would know. We’ve been losing to those dicks for years. But not next time. Not with this team. We can do it. That’s what everyone here believes, Kunimi. We were close. It wasn’t enough, it still wasn’t enough, but we were so fucking close and if we managed to get here, we’ll be able to take the next step too. We believe in this team, Kunimi. In every single one of you. And we need you. So, hold on to that frustration, we’re going to need it. And next time, we won’t be the ones feeling this way. Everyone here believes it, no, everyone here knows it. And we need you to know it, too.”

Kunimi wants to protest, to say that spirit alone won’t magically make them better, to ask how he’s supposed to believe when the images of their loss still haunt him, when there’s no way he’ll become good enough in time to take on Shiratorizawa, but Iwaizumi-senpai puts the flower crown on his head and then clasps a hand on Kunimi’s shoulder. “I’m counting on you.” Kunimi can’t do anything but nod.

He tries to believe and in the beginning it’s hard but the longer he tries, the more natural it comes until finally, when the tournament is happening Kunimi is confident that they will make it.

Their loss hurts all the more for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, thanks for reading! English isn't my first language, so feel free to point out any mistakes (or, you know, things you actually liked are okay too)~


End file.
